[INTERVIEW] Do the D*MN Things with Bevin Farrand

balance challenges coaching delegation dream business dreams habits mindset pivot podcast Mar 13, 2023
Cover photo for Purpose and Pixie Dust episode 258

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Hey girl, welcome to the Purpose and Pixie Dust podcast, the podcast where we dive deep into our passions, our purpose and really unlock our potential with the pixie dust thrown in. What is pixie dust? You might ask. It's the fun and joy that gets unlocked when you're creating and owning your magic. I'm Lindsay, Dollinger dog, mama, Disney lover and high school Spanish teacher who has used my magic to grow my businesses while also working full time. I'm on a mission to help other women create and own your magic by building not only the business of your dreams but also the life of your dreams while still juggling life, your full time job and all the things. So if you want more than this provincial life, let's use our glass slippers to break those glass ceilings and Sprinkle lots of pixie dust into our lives and businesses. Let's do this.

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All right, Hello, welcome to a live recording of the purpose and pixie dust podcast. I am Lindsay Dollinger and I'm here today with Bevin Farrand who I'm so excited for you guys to hear some more from. Um, I just love Bevin's story. So Bevin, thank you for being on the show and tell us a little bit about you. How did you get to what you are doing now? We want the whole story, The whole story.

Well, thank you so much for having me here. I'm so excited to be with you and I love what you're doing for women who want to grow businesses but maybe don't want to quit everything to do it. We don't want to burn it all down to do it. Right, right, thank you. So, my story really started back in 2019 or the what, what is the current iteration of what I do started in 2019. So, Um, mother's day of 2019. My husband Mark surprised me that he was going to take us on a whirlwind trip to France for my 40th birthday, which would be six months later. So we were starting to plan diving into it. So excited, we weren't going to take our kids, it was gonna be our first trip away without them. And then two weeks later I went in for what I thought was going to be a promotion and instead I got laid off and yeah, so we had a four month old and a two year old at home, I had just taken maternity leave, um taken money out of our savings to make that happen. So we were totally reeling. We are very much a two income family, this was not what we were expecting. And about two weeks after that, Mark and I were walking, we live in the country, were walking down the road with no sidewalks and I said to him, I don't think I'm gonna look for a job and he was an engineer. So I could like feel his like brain explode in his head. But I I said to him, you know mark, this is the third time I've been that I've lost my job for one reason or another in under 10 years and I don't want to do it anymore, I don't want to put our financial health into the hands of any one person ever again. So at that point I decided to start my own business and I was taking everything I had learned over the past 10 years as a digital marketer brand strategist, launch strategist and I was going to use it to help small businesses and entrepreneurs grow their business to 56 and seven figures and I said to him, let's just set up some benchmarks and see if this is even a viable option. And so we first, I wanted to make my very first dollar, right, that's always our first very first benchmark when we're starting a business is can we make even $1? And then I said, I want to make $1003,000 by the end of August to see if this is a viable proof of concept. So I did, I made my 1st $1,23 in July and by the end of August I had made $215,210 and by the time we left for our trip, which was in November, which by the way we still thought was totally crazy. I had made $225,220 in my business. So we decided it was really exciting to me to be making back so much of the money that I had lost when I lost my job. So we decided to go, even though we said, look, we're gonna be in planes the same amount of time we're going to be on the ground um this is absolutely bonkers, but we went, had an amazing time spent my 2100th birthday wandering through bordeaux with my best friend and love of my life eating delicious food, drinking great wine and we came back and that week was thanksgiving and so we had taken the whole week off work, we got stuff ready around the house and took our daughter to her first movie theater show. It's pre pandemic. We have 53 people coming for thanksgiving. And the day after thanksgiving, my husband didn't wake up, He passed away in the middle of the night completely unexpectedly. He weighed the same, he did in high school, we had no indication that this was coming. He had undiagnosed heart disease. One of his arteries was 25% blocked, the other was 280% blocked. And so now I am a solo parent of two kids under the age of three, an entrepreneur with a business that was doing well but had not yet stood the test of time and I'm doing all of this without my best friend and the love of my life and and honestly the guy who was my biggest cheerleader by my side. And so I started to about a month later I made a post on facebook talking about my birthday and the trip and losing mark and I ended it by saying whenever we're faced with the choice, just take the damn trip and that really resonated with people. And I got so many messages from people saying, you know, I was gonna say no to this trip, but now I'm gonna go or I took this amazing trip with my parents right before they passed away and it meant the world to me or you know, I'm not gonna keep pushing things to the side anymore. I'm going to go all in on my dream and I started because that's it started to shift while I shifted it, it didn't start to shift over time, I shifted it to take the damn chance because it is not about just taking a trip and going on a great vacation, it's really taking the chance on yourself and taking the chance on that dream that you keep pushing to the side. And as I thought back over the hardest things that I had been through, not not just losing Mark, but getting laid off three times and going through years of fertility treatments to have my kiddos and losing my home and a house fire, like all of these hard things that I had been through, But then also the most amazing things that I've created, you know, I grew that business from 280 to $600,000 in three years, even in the middle of a pandemic, even while grieving the loss of my husband, even while being a solo parent to you know, to kiddos and that as I look back at those things and I asked myself, how is it, how am I different? How do I do things differently? And that is where I came up with the DAMN framework. So I say damn all the time, right? Like take the damn chance that my podcast is all the damn things but damn stands for something. It stands for decide and declare attend your own party moments, not minutes. And now is the time and when we apply those four mindsets to business relationships, personal dreams, it makes all the difference in achieving those goals. And so that is how I found it found it to take the damn chance movement and really everything I do is based around that.

I think your story is so powerful. I mean, I know I have heard it several times at this point and I'm just like, for lack of a better word, I'm just like, damn, Like that's what I want people to say, right, right man. So how were you able to go from like that shock and that grief to like, okay, we've like I've got to do something because like, like you said, you're you're the sole breadwinner and you have these two girls and like, like what does that look like for those people out there who are going through something really hard like that and they're like, I just don't know how I'm going to move forward?

Well, I'd like to be super clear that this was not something that I popped up the next day and said I'm gonna start a movement right? There were days and weeks where I felt like I could barely get up off the closet floor, right, It's just curled up sobbing could hardly do it. And I boiled it down to a couple of things. One is I got really, really, really clear on my, my top priorities and at that point they were my kids keeping my kids healthy and safe, my own health and safety and keeping our house because Mark and I had built this house together in order to do those things, I needed to keep my business running. I also got a lot of validation is the wrong word, but I got a lot of comfort from my business and so I went back to work with a few clients about a month after Mark passed away and they were like take as much time as you need. I said, no, I am dealing with life insurance policies for a one k like I'm so ineffective at so many things, So much red tape that I need to be doing something that makes me feel effective and that helped me. And so one of the things I teach is what I call movement over mindset and that is that sometimes we will always, we just need to get into movement. We just need to get into action. It doesn't matter what our mindset is now, that is not to say, we don't give ourselves time to grieve. We don't let ourselves be sad but when we are, but we don't have to change our mindset before we get into action. So I could say I need to do something to feel effective. I'm not going to wait until all the grief is gone because it's never going to be gone. So I think that's it is boiling it down to what is your top priority and why and then taking micro actions towards it okay for those who might not be able to wrap their head around a micro action. Can what that might be in your business or even Yeah so a micro action is the smallest possible action that you will actually take. So a lot of times people say oh I'm doing you know I'm taking the small step right and I'm gonna write I'm gonna make my website or I'm gonna write my first blog post or whatever it is and then they don't do it and they think oh I just must not be very committed. No the action is too big because so you need to break it down to the smallest possible action that you will actually take. So for example if it's business right? And you're thinking I have to write I have to make a website, just go buy the U. R. L. Like that's the that's the tiny little action if you need to write an email or a blog post and you're finding yourself paralyzed, just open the document, just write the first word because doing those micro actions helps you build momentum. We think we think we need to get inspired to get into action but actually getting into action brings us more inspiration. That's why we get our best ideas like in the shower on a run because we're in action and then the momentum, the inspiration can catch up because truly the hardest place to be is standing still. It's at the start of your idea or the start of a new piece of your project because that's where inertia is an object at rest, tends to stay at rest. You actually have to do tiny little steps to keep your feet moving and then the steps get bigger and they come faster and they become easier. But you start teeny tiny. I love that you said that inspiration can come after the action because I think so much that a lot of times where like I'm just waiting to feel motivated, I'm waiting to grow and it's like that might not come or it might not come for a really long time. So we get to do just something a little a little tiny today and then maybe it'll come and it's probably not sustainable, right? If we're only waiting for inspiration, it's not sustainable. And then there are going to be days where you're having a bad day, you're sad, you're frustrated, you're angry, whatever that is, you're overwhelmed And you don't feel inspired right? But you can say I'm just gonna set my clock and do 15 minutes of micro actions and then I can be done right? And then, but a lot of times by doing those by doing like the 15 minutes, then you've picked up enough motivation, enough inspiration to keep going. Yeah, absolutely. So let's start into the damn framework work just a little bit. Um so can you go through again what each of those letters mean? And maybe just a little bit more of an explanation of what those could look like? Sure. So the first is decide and declare and really the d. Is like the foundation of everything. The damn framework is because decide is really how we start, I call it your damn manifesto and you can have a damn manifesto truly for every area of your life and what it is, it's it's your yes and your sixth dimensional why? And so your yes is what is your top priority right now? It doesn't have to be forever. But what is the thing that you want more than anything else right now? Because when everything is a priority, nothing is so we decide what that yes, is we put it through? I call it the trip filter. So we ask ourselves are we willing to make it our top priority? Are we willing to resource it? Is it inspiring? And is it personal? Is it your dream the one you're going out? The one you want, not the one somebody else thinks you should want. So when you find your yes, you pair it with what I call your sixth dimensional why and the reason I'm so passionate about the six dimensional why is that? We can't hang our dreams on one flimsy little why? You know, people will say start a business for the money, right? Like do it for the do it to make more money. Well when you're not making money, it's real hard, then that's not enough or I'm a mom obviously. And so I'll get a lot like do it for your kids. Well when my kids have kept me up all night and I'm tired and I would just as soon take a nap, they're not enough of a Y. So we flesh out a fully six dimensional why. And then when it's like, let's just say um I'll tell you the six dimensions here in a second, but so if I'm not making enough money at the time and that's my financial why? But emotionally my business makes me really proud that I'm gonna rest on that part of it. So the six dimensions are financial, emotional, mental, physical, social and spiritual. And um if you don't want to write all this down, you can just go to sixdimensionalwhy.com and you can get the questions I asked to start to kind of bring give you the brain joggers to think about what's so important about it. But once you get those two things together, you that creates your damn manifesto and you put it into a super simple to say, easy to remember statement that becomes your Touchstone. So like mine is I want to share the damn framework with as many people as possible in as many ways as possible. That's my yes and my my why like flushed into this is in order to create a sustainable, thriving business that both supports and inspires my family in the world. So when I'm struggling because I'm tired or I'm not making as much money as I want to make or I'm learning something new so I'm frustrated, I just go back to that and I say this is what I want, I want to share this framework so I can support and inspire my family in the world and that helps me move forward, I love that. Um what is the manifesto frequent? Not even further. Yeah, so that I mean, so the damn, the damn manifesto really becomes like the Touchstone, you kind of rest your yourself on but your business on right. And so what's so great about it? Like, like I said, you have your yes and your six dimensional y then we craft it into something easy to remember. And then the other great thing about it, not just that it helps you when you're feeling overwhelmed, but you can then hold new ideas up to it and say is this in support and service of my damn manifesto. So like if I get offered a project management job right? Like that was my big, that was what I was known for for years was project management launch strategy. If somebody offers me a position, even if it's a lot of money, I hold it up to that day on manifesto and I say, is this in service? Does this allow me to share this framework with as many people as possible? No, it does not great. Then it's a no. Or if it's like, okay, I'm still kind of interested. Then it's like, okay, so now I need to revisit my yes. So we like that is why the damn manifesto and again, you can do it for relationships. You could say like I want to create a connected, committed powerful relationship. Is this is this idea in service of that? No. Okay, well then we're going to say no to it, right? You could have different ones in different areas of your life. Yeah. Yeah. I mean I created one for health and fitness. Um, I have kind of many ones for like being a parent, right? Like I want to be the best, best loving parent I can be for these particular kiddos and there are times where I've said, okay, this idea, this is not in support of that family that I want to create and so we have to step away. Like for example, my son was not doing well in his preschool and so he got a spot at my daughter's preschool and I said, okay what is in the best service of him? Like I want to be the best mom I can be for him. I want to support him and his creativity. The new preschool is the way to go. And so we made the switch so it just helps us always say what do I want the most in these areas of my life. And then the other half of the D is to declare and people hear that and they think cool, I need to make this big post on social media, right? You want me to just like shout it from the rooftops And that is actually not what I want people to do because too often we declare it to the world before we have the confidence in it. And we end up derailing ourselves because we get a bunch of doubting people coming and saying, are you sure you wanna do? Are you sure you want to start this side hustle? Are you sure you want to? You know, you don't want to quit your job? Not in this economy. All all of that. You know, side hustle that you're particularly looking at, that's like way past its prime. Nobody's doing that anymore. And you don't have the confidence and the foundation yet to stand up to that. So we do what I call layered declarations and you start with just 2-3 people who their only job is to be your cheerleaders. It's just to say that sounds like a great idea. Like I think you should definitely run with that. You know, tell me more about that. And it's not you're not always gonna just have this blind support, but it is just a way for you to start building some momentum, getting some confidence, getting more clarity on it. What it is that you want, then you bring in your next layer, which is, you know, more sort of close friends, people who you might want counsel from, you want support from then you as you're building up more momentum from there, you take it to the next layer and you're actually building up these layers of support as you're building confidence, clarity, momentum so that you can withstand a little bit more question than when you first started. Yeah, that's totally what we talked about. Um So for everyone who doesn't know I was on Bevin's podcast um I don't know when this is area exactly, but you can go back and find me on that podcast. We were talking um a lot about that, I think was I forget what we were calling it, but um just like pick being being choosy about who you are sharing your dream too. And I love that layered Concept because it's so true. Like who you share those things with can make a huge difference, right? Yeah. I mean I didn't tell this part of the story, but you know, I used this framework to bring my like biggest boldest dream to life, which was that I decided to move forward with the IVF. That mark and I had been planning when he passed away and I gave birth to his and my third daughter when 803 months after he passed away. And when I started to think about that, I told some people who were not supportive and they thought, oh, you know what if what if, what if one of your kids get sick or what if you have a medically fragile child? And how is that going to impact your family? And how can you do this without Mark? And they were not my 2 to 3 cheerleaders, right? They were they were way out on the outer layers. And so I didn't talk to them about it anymore. When I was still in the beginning baby phases, right? I had 2 to 3 people who their only job was to be saying you for an ultrasound, you had a blood test, you took seven pregnancy test. Like that was their only job. And then as things developed, I added a few more people in. I added a few more people in, Look, your business is a baby. You know, when you first have the idea it's a newborn, you wouldn't hand your newborn to some random stranger on the street, let him be a six year old before you bring that in. Yeah, I love that. That's a great way to think about it too, is who would you trust your baby with versus who do you trust your 15 year old with? You know, it's a little bit different, although there's still some boundaries there, but yeah, I said wait, you shouldn't really hand your success, but you know what I was, you know, But yeah, that feels strange.

I love that. So just curious because I know this has come up for you and I, you know, how do you handle because people listening to this, I know some of them, how do you handle being a single mom with three kids and the breadwinner, you know, how do you find time to, to fit it all in?

I have a lot of help, I mean that is, there's two areas of this, you're probably gonna hear my kids in the background here in a minute. Um there's two pieces of it. I have a lot of help at home, so I, you know have a nanny, she's been with us since before Mark passed away. So she's truly become part of the family and I know that my business has to reach a certain level so that I can afford to continue to have that support now I've known because you know, I was an entrepreneur and I've worked from home for over 10 years and so even when we got pregnant with my first daughter, I said to Mark, we have to have child care. I cannot do the level of work that I want to do while also having kids climb all over me. And so we knew we had to keep that going and so we had to put that in place. So I have a lot of help. I outsource as much as I can at home. Um but I also have a team for my business. And so I've got my assistant who's been with me for two years, I've got a podcast producer, I've got, you know, writing team that I work with all these things because I know I know that I cannot do it all myself And sometimes when people are starting their business, they're scared to give any of that money away. They're scared to hire anybody. And so I would just encourage people to do the math. And so what I mean by that is, let's say, you have an assistant, somebody, you pay $25 an hour, $20, an hour And they work for you for five hours in a week and you pay them $100. Then you need to just make sure that you're using those five hours in a way that can make you that $100 or more or you're using it to spend time with your family and your kids, but it's on things that you don't want to waste your time on. So we have to, none of us can do it alone, right? We can't there's this myth of this solo warrior is a myth. It does not exist that anybody does it by themselves. I love that you said that because I really wish more people shared that side of things, because I know I thought for so long that everyone was doing it by themselves and then I would, you know, talk to people on a one or whatever and I'm like, you don't write your posts. I'm like, wait, you don't do that. And you know, it was just like mind blown. And so I've really tried to be very outspoken about that, like, hey, you don't have to do everything alone. And like you said, you can get a lot of really quality work done with low a low budget, we'll just put it back. Yeah, I mean, look, there's certain things, right, I'm not gonna pay my executive assistant the same amount of money that I might pay via. I'm not going to pay, you know, I'm going to pay more for my podcast producer. You know, like there's there's different levels of of experience and skill set, all of those things and we have to be honest about that, right? You're not gonna get everything for $5 an hour and that's the quality of work that you would necessarily want. But if you say, okay, I can set aside X amount of dollars who what would be the best use it. It's very much of what can you take off your plate. What are you not very good at, what do you not enjoy that off your plate first because then you're going to want to do the things that you enjoy and that you are good at more. So yeah, I have a lot of help lower. Like you said your nanny, like it doesn't always have to be stuff specifically for your business. But that's someone who can help you out with your kids so that you can have that dedicated time to work your business. Yeah. You know, it's so interesting. Mark and I were flying back from bordeaux. We're making a list of everything. I said I need to hire somebody, right, I need to hire somebody. Let's do a brain dump of everything that they could take off my plate. And we realized that a lot of what we needed taken off our plate was around the house and I don't know why it is, but in this society we have this feeling that we can hire babysitters to watch our kids while we do things around the house. But why can't we just hire someone to do the things around the house so we can play with our kids. And so for a while I had somebody who came in and they did the laundry and they just did things around the house for five hours a week. Um I've had some health concerns and so I'm having to make a lot of dietary changes. So I have somebody who comes in once a month and cooks meals that I know that I can eat so that I am not spending hours researching and hours cooking instead that I do don't enjoy that I can just throw food in the microwave or the oven and eat and enjoy the time with my kids. Yeah. Yeah. And I like that perspective shift as well because one of the first things that I hired out was like my grasping mode and I'm like, I'm like, you know what the heck those guys and their team can know this whole thing in an hour. And to me it takes like six right second of it. It doesn't look good. Right? So I'm like no worth it. Best money spent. And I had to do that math for Mark. This was before he had passed away. But you know, we have two acres and so we have an acre field that we just hardly ever mode, but we have an acre around the house and there's that still and Mark was push mowing it, it was taking him like all day on saturday. And I said Mark, let's just get a quote. We got a quote and it was like $80 it's $80 and it frees up your entire saturday to spend time with your family and if you're really that concerned then work two hours of overtime, whatever to make that money back and pay for it. But yes, best money. I love having flowers. I don't like to, we'd write delegate the stuff that's really draining you. It's not only the money, but it's like your energy is much, it's non renewable sources, our resources, our time and energy. We cannot get time back. You can make more money. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's a huge mindset shift for a lot of people as well because they're like, whoa. Like, but I don't know how to make more, you know, and you're like, well then we get to deep dive into that. But yeah, time is not actually women. We as men. When I was doing research, we as women are far more likely to donate our time than our money. And men are traditionally more likely to donate money than time. But sometimes I'll think about it. And I said, okay, so I can either spend eight hours at this fundraiser. What have you or I can write a check and sometimes they need volunteers and don't get me wrong, like sometimes that is necessary. But if it's in in exchange for, I'm like, I don't have the time. So I would love to support you with my money. Yeah. Perfect. And I think that's a reminder for people as well. Um, because sometimes I have a lot of network marketers that listen to this and they will immediately ask people for like a party or to join their team and they get shut down and then they don't go for the, what would you like to try the product? And I'm like, that might be another way that people can support you. That you should just ask like throw it out there because not everyone wants the time invested in the party or is interested in the business opportunity. You know, you have to remember that everyone wants a little different. Yeah. When I talk to people about support, because I believe we like confused permission and support and we don't need anybody's permission to go after our big dreams. We can't ask for their support and but we have to realize that you will get. So you need to know whether you need specific support or support from a specific person because if you need specific support, you need financial funding. You need marketing help. You need someone to spread the word, You need somebody to book parties that may not be from the people you think it's going to be from, right? That's so you might have to ask a lot more people to get that. But if you need support from a specific person, maybe you really need to know that your sister supports you or your mom or your friend. It may not look the way you think. So you might, like you just said, you might ask somebody, hey, do you want to join this team? And they say no, if you need, if you need support from that person, then ask, well how can we make this work? Would you like to try the product? Would you be willing to do? You know, whatever it is? But coming up with a way that you then still feel supported by that person, but it just might not be exactly the way you thought it was going to be. Oh, that's really powerful. Yeah. And that also goes back to, I feel like those different levels of people in your life. I know we talked about this before, but you know, your best friend might not be the one to offer you the kind of support that you think that she should, but when we project that on other people, we have to remember that. It's not the same as what we might do for other people. Right? Right. Yeah, exactly. Well, devon this has been so good. Tell my audience where can they connect with you, Where can they find you? How can they work with you? And I will make sure that this all gets in the show notes too. So you guys, I love that we got through D just so you know, I like that through one water. I have to bring you back on and then we can go through a follow. So there's so much always you and I talk and it's like we go down so you don't want to stop. So obviously you guys love listening to podcasts so you can go check out my podcast, which is all the damn things. And that podcast, this is really supporting women in achieving their goals, particularly women who have been through deeply challenging experiences and that is self defined sometimes. That is losing somebody, losing a job, losing a parent, whatever that is. But something that has really, I say it makes you stop and go, damn, that was hard. And how can you still achieve your dreams after that? Even with that? And that's really the best way right now to learn about everything that I'm doing other than that. I'm Bevin Farrand everywhere on instagram facebook but come listen to the podcast and you have a free facebook group as well. Right? I do. It's to take the damn chance. Facebook community. Yes. And she does awesome trainings in there too guys. So make sure that you have been there and um that's actually how I found you. And I don't even remember how I found the group. Like I feel like I found the group first and then I think we're like three, like we're like six degrees of Kevin Bacon here. Like we have friends of friends and somehow Yeah, exactly. That's like the magic of social media, but well thank you again. And everyone when you listen to this, make sure that you screenshot it. Tag us both on social will be sure to share you out and we want to hear what your biggest takeaway was because I'm sure you got a lot out of today's chat. Thanks again, Bevin. Thanks Lindsay.

And that's a wrap on today's episode. I hope you're leaving today inspired Princess to create own and spread your magic to the world. If you found by you in this episode or no, a girlfriend who needs to hear it, would you screenshot it and send it to her and if you're feeling really generous, pop it up on your I. G. Stories and tag me at Lindsay Dollinger so I can see you loved it and tell you. Thank you. I appreciate you. Now let's go do some amazing things by by.

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